Let it all go / Shot at the night

Hey Birdy, has anyone said to you before you have the most accurate words for life's situations?
-Of course, duh, as if I was new in the business.

Well, the thing is I'm actually new with your music, so I chose to use one of your song's lyrics to tell they world I'm BACK, not for good but for today. Because someone needs me and I can't be physically with him and long (please...) distance is not treating us kindly.

I do understand that love shouldn't break you in any moment, but it does, because love isn't only the good but also the difficult and the human and the stupid a girl / guy can be. Like I read in one of my favourite YA novels, the thing with life is that it has "the good and the bad" and either way it will always mean a challenge. A kind of challenge that may make us tremble and even fall on our face to make us realize what on EARTH we are doing! Has it ever occur to you that we might as well shut ourselves down and let the human world manage us like it's doing now? I don't wanna let go of who I am, but SOMETIMES I'm not sure of who I am.

I told a couple of friends how intensely lost I felt, that I thought I needed a profesional to talk to. Maybe I have more breakdowns than regular people, maybe I just don't go out enough to see that EVERYONE has their own breakdowns and I should learn how they cope with them -uhm, sorry, not cope, but RESOLVE those breakdowns. I want to talk to a profesional though, because I'm surrounded by people who have done it and I think they feel relieved. RELIEVED, that's how I want to feel.

But I also feel that I'm loosing you. At first I new you held me when every Saturday I sat down and cried for my insanely way to lose time and not getting things done for college or even LIFE. And you listened, you even raised your voice a little to tell me I HAVE TO CHANGE FOR MYSELF because there's nothing I can do if I don't believe in it or that I can do it. One thing I don't like at all right now, is that when I was younger, like in high-school or before, I knew I could do many things, there were some I didn't like but I KNEW I COULD. Though I've been raised by overprotective parents and especially an scared-of-everything-that-could-hurt-me-or-him-dad (i love u :) ) I never thought I COULDN'T do something. But here I am, some weeks before, I argued with you hun because I didn't think I was smart enough to pass those hideous med exams in order to start a life with the northern light. I may not be ABSOLUTELY sure I now what it takes to be there, but I know I HAVE what it takes to get off the floor and start remembering all the things I know are in my head but don't remember. The thing is that I've come to realize - yeah, just now...- that If I don't read things frequently, my brain will remove it too quickly and send it somewhere difficult to retrieve. And that might be happening to us.

I know you hate when I don't call, when I "forget about you", when I do things my own way without asking your opinion. And you think that's me forgetting about you or worse, getting bored of you. It has come to my mind a few times, don't get me wrong, if we're falling into a loop of repetitive motion and don't care about getting out of it. I've also thought, when we are pissed of for some stupid argument, if THIS is what I want for life, if this nonstop come-and-go of silly words that come out of our mouths is what I want to be married to, to have a family with. And GUESS WHAT: when we're smart enough to see for ourselves that communication is not at its best, you look at me and I look at you and we make amends -without even speaking-. Because that's not enough, your embrace and a few "I'm sorry, I know it's my fault and I spoke because I wanted to hurt you even though I know it's wrong. I'm trying to grow with you not tear us apart". That ends with the promise of really thinking before talking and talking without hurting and with the truth only. Sometimes it doesn't and you go out and let the wind and the walk home calm you down before we can speak, and I stay - tears running down my face - asking why do I have to be so wrong and mean with you every time.

But you love me so much - at least, I think so - that you let me in again. And I ask God to show me the right way, and that I want it to a way that includes you, because I don't believe you're just my high-school sweetheart. I don't know how it works, but if we met and connect, it has to mean something.

I also know that I'm not the only one who can feel down, you're human too. You are a boy, teenager, adult who needs me as your friend, best friend, lover, maybe wife-to-be to listen and make you feel better. But yesterday it finally came to me. We are there for each other, but we MUST BE THERE FOR OURSELVES most importantly, always !!! I can't rely on you to be my only motivation to finish what I started, and you can't rely on me to kick your ass every time you need me to - we both know they're many many times -. But we can use our love and senses to help us both, to keep knitting that long thread that goes around us and ties us closer and closer, that's elastic as you can't imagine because we made it almost impossible to break, and that's so strong only God should be the one in power to break it - and I seriously hope he doesn't -. Even after death, that bond is meant to exist, in the way it has to, I don't know much about life-after-death but I DO KNOW I LOVE YOU and YOU LOVE ME and that there are two letters that display seven, and they are a seal powerful enough to stand anything.

Trust in me again, we don't have to let it -all- go, I need you to trust me when I say the bad will go away, sooner than you think. And I won't leave your side, not even when it does.

The complete quote from the YA novel is this: "The good and the bad, the sugar and the salt, the kicks and the kisses, what's come before and what will come after, you and me-".

I want us to give a shot at the NIGHT and feel as ALIVE as The Killers make me feel with that song and music video. I want to grow with you, as I'm doing every day now. I want to learn, to have experiences, to fall and get on my feet, to change, to melt, to scream, to cry of happiness, to have many more between us, and to LIVE, with everything life means, with YOU.

Please trust me, I do.